the ninja sanctuary

It’s amazing how much less moribund and repetitive my Tumblr dash looks after I switched off some things in settings. I’ve basically not seen half the posts, and every day, the same meh crap was on top because they assumed I liked it, wtf.

The cat did what I’ve been concerned about for a while, climbed onto the ledge of the balcony and walked over to explore the neighbour’s balcony. That apartment has recently been sold and fully renovated, by the sound of it, including a fresh coat of paint on the balcony, however, the previous owners neglected the balcony and let a pair of pigeons nest there, which has been an ongoing problem (they’re pigeons, they shit everywhere, and in the past they’ve tried exploring our balcony as a potential nesting ground as well, the cat has now proved a deterrent to that). Well, the renovations seem to have concluded but it doesn’t look like anybody’s living there (looking to rent, perhaps? or re-sell?), except the pigeons who have moved back in and built a new nest… as I saw, when peeking over TO SEE MY FUCKING CAT THERE, exploring the pigeon shit-stained floor and the empty nest. We’re on the 4th floor, and the ledge is covered in tin! He should know better than doing acrobatics like that on a surface his nails are useless on, but apparently he’s in his teenage daredevil phase, and the pigeons keep teasing him with their presence. I didn’t see any signs of him eating baby pigeons, at least. While he initially ignored our pleas to come back, he eventually jumped on the ledge and the boyf grabbed him, and now his balcony privileges have been revoked and he’s not happy.

I’ve sprayed cat deterrent on that corner of the ledge loads of times, but the rain keeps washing it off. OTL

We need to install glazing. If someone had been home and come out of that balcony door, I fear the little fool would have freaked out and jumped on the ledge in a hurry and tumbled over. He would probably not die in that fall, landing on grass, but I don’t want to find out. It would take me at least a minute to run downstairs and around the building to get to the yard to look for him, too, and I don’t ever want to have to do this.

Still anxious over work and the summer running out, which might be being exacerbated by the fact that my sleep schedule is at a really, really bad place again, and I miss out on A LOT of daylight waking up well into the afternoon. However, I have managed to book a nice hotel in Brussels - hotel pricing in Brussels is a crapshoot depending on what’s going on, this weekend seems busy and the prices were on the steep side with some places I’ve stayed before already fully booked, so basically used Booking to browse and found a decent deal at a place called Yadoya - the theme is Japonesque, and the location should suit us well. This is going to be the first time I’m paying out of my own pocket to stay in Brussels, anyway, so shouldn’t complain too much.

Then spent a rainy evening to narrow down and book a trip to Paris, 6 nights in mid-August. The flights were steep and we’re leaving at an obnoxious hour of the morning, but that’s what you get for booking about 3 weeks in advance in the summer. Also, the aparthotels I’ve previously stayed in or looked at were all booked by now, so had a good browse for aparthotels on Booking, again, and eventually went with a Citadines (booking through their own site and getting a decent membership discount, too). Once upon a time, the draw of going for an Airbnb was a) having a kitchen and b) washer, for c) cheaper than a typical hotel room that wouldn’t even have a mini-fridge, but these days, I can take my pick between dozens of aparthotels, many of which come with self-service laundry rooms, and get a far more reasonable price with far less hassle than Airbnb. The room in the 4-star Citadines we stayed at back in January was bigger than any apartment we’ve ever rented in Paris, too.

Booked the day trip to Guèdelon castle as well; all in all, the two trips are about 1350 € per person… as I presumed, that is still considerably cheaper than just the flights to Japan would have been.

The fruits of the shopping spree are arriving. I got a dry conditioner with the Ecco-Verde order that is so good I kind of regret the repurchase of traditional conditioner in the same order. NowZenith order was mostly repurchases, and unpacking it, I realized I forgot a thing I wanted, which is not a surprise given what a mess I am these days. Also got stuff from Sellpy, two different orders, and already returned 3 items… Got two very nice scarves, but the third one felt scratchy and the pale sandy beige shade wasn’t doing me any favours (I really should learn, nothing warm beige to camel works on me), a linen shirt was meh, plus a shirt I got for the boyf turned out to be a mislabeled women’s shirt, and while it fit me, the vibes were too butch. I did keep a bright fuchsia pink Jan Mayen down vest, which the boyf immediately dubbed “the Karen vest”; the colour is perfect for me so idc.

Random sheet mask review: BNBG Vita Genic Lifting Jelly Mask

The promises: Anti-wrinkle. Whitening. 4-Free Prescription. Firming. The “Liposome Vitamin” Jelly Sheet Mask is filled with ingredients that are nutritious and moisturizing. The Opuntia Coccinellifera extract from Jeju Island help the elasticity of the skin to make it firm and tight.

Ingredients are not on CosDNA, however, this mask is essentially a copy of a Banobagi mask of the same name and the ingredients for that one are here. It’s a copy to the point that literally everything matches except the brand name and the website, and Banobagi have updated their box design, but this still came in a basic old rectangular box. No idea what’s going on, maybe some kind of a business dispute, but the only output BNBG as a company seems to have are copies of the older Banobagi masks (Banobagi, in turn, has put effort into product development and these older masks might be phased out at some point, I try to keep a stash at hand because the blue one in particular is legendary). I always assumed BNBG were a somewhat sus knock-off and avoided buying, but this time I slipped up and got a 10-pack by accident - NowZenith had them for dirt cheap and I assumed I was getting 2 packs of Banobagi masks, well, turns out the cica version is Banobagi and the red one is BNBG. Oh well. It is functionally no different from the original version (I’ve used up a 10-pack in the past). Very nice mask sheet, plenty of clear, non-sticky, not-too-runny essence. I’ll have no problem using them up.

Having a heavy flow day and even heavier anxiety day. I haven’t been willing to look at my email since Monday, am overwhelmed with thoughts of EVERYTHING that needs to get done before September whilst July is running out and I haven’t even started on any of it.

This summer really feels like it’s on fast forward.

Anyway. Had a talk with the boyf over our half-assed holiday plans, since time keeps ticking away, and have booked flights for a weekend in Brussels - he wants to see an event, I’m happy to just tag along and eat fries and buy a new stash of nice bar soaps or something. There’s a restaurant in the city centre with a stupid name, Drug Opera, that makes the best tarte tatin I have ever eaten in my life, and I’m hoping they’ll have it again in September.

Next, gotta book flights to Paris, a day trip to Chateau de Guédelon, and then look for hotels. My mom can cat sit, thankfully, and although I feel bad leaving him, I think a little break might actually do him good?

Am tentatively talking to other friends about going to Japan sometime next year.

The boyf dug up some holiday photos from 2005, basically the first one we went to together. I guess being into skincare since middle school is paying off? This was a phase post-ED where I didn’t weigh myself for years and years, and… I don’t think I look any fatter now? (I started getting back into exercise a bit after that, and also got diagnosed with a thyroid problem and put on replacement medication, so there definitely have been phases where I was fitter.)

Easy way to find out would be trying on the clothes I still have, both the t-shirt and capris are still around, these days as homewear.

The shopping sprees are starting to arrive, got my shampoo and conditioner order from Ecco-Verde, and am going out to the post office to pick up what I assume is my skincare haul from NowZenith.

My brother’s family flew back to Brussels this afternoon, after causing stress and chaos for almost three weeks. This involved not just commandeering my mother’s car and riding it until it broke (something started smoking under the hood kind of broke) and leaving her stuck with who knows how much money and trouble to get it repaired (my mother lives outside of the city for roughly half a year, public transport to and from there is not doable at her age); unannounced overnight babysitting their twin toddlers (they behaved okay, but it is exhausting), and, uh, SIL bitching about my brother’s future inheritance not being good enough?

I am genuinely rooting for a divorce. I honestly would not mind never seeing her again. I didn’t know people could be this entitled, greedy and casually exploitative, and I know for a fact she’s emotionally abusive. Talked to my mother about this, too, and being bothered by the idea that my brother might work himself to an early grave and SIL would then immediately sell off any inherited real estate (which would majorly fuck me over and break my heart). And my mother admitted that she has been thinking of the same thing.

Anyway. I took the stress out on my credit card, and bought some second-hand clothes, haircare from ecco-verde, bath towels and borosilicate tea mugs (I’ve broken 2 this year!) from Muji, and a plain rag rug in a machine-washable size from H&M Home (in the hopes it’ll be more cat-compatible than the current larger rug).

Another day, more of the same: doing chores, giving attention to the cat, actually managing a decent amount of exercise, cooking, not overeating (at least not stuff I shouldn’t be eating), and not spending money online. So hardly all bad, but not particularly satisfying either, and still having lots of guilt and low-key anxiety over work things.

Painted my toenails in a cute pale lilac shade, 2 € mini bottle of Depend nail polish in shade 650 (I bought one for cousin’s 13-y-o, then went back and got another for myself; nice to see a pale shade that’s completely opaque in 2 coats and holds up well). However, in this corner of Europe, temperatures are moderate to the point I’m wearing socks at home and don’t foresee going out in sandals. Haven’t bought Birkenstocks either, since long-term weather forecasts say the rest of the summer should be moderately warm at most.

Ok, I looked at my emails and now I’m stuck responding to work emails and scheduling send for a more godly hour of the morning. OTL

I just want to sleeeeep.

I am failing spectacularly on the “putting the work in” front. To be fair, I am officially on vacation and the office is closed, but I’ve felt paralyzed about even the most minor work tasks, because there is a burning pileup of shit I can’t handle at all, and I can’t look at my email, again, because I imagine my boss being mad at me.

For the past 10 days or so, I’ve managed some chores, and minimal socializing (my big brother’s here with his family and held a garden party on Sunday that I helped with, since it’s been raining, we even managed to burn the big bonfire pile that was left over from midsummer; and cousin’s youngest who I like to spoil had a birthday party on Friday). And tried to improve my sleep schedule with minor success, tried to work out a bit, and tinkered with my thyroid replacement dosage, because they changed an ingredient and suddenly my heart rate is going insane and I’ve only slept for 8 hours straight maybe once in 3 weeks. OTL

Feeling stuck while the summer is whooshing by, and I hate it. Fucking classes will start again in what, 7 weeks? Fml.

The Momoxfashion order was a disappointment, kept a Muji sweater that was okay-ish, but sent the winter boots and the sleeveless silk shirt back, the boots had a bulky warm lining that made them feel too tight, and the shirt, which was beautiful, would barely close over my boobs. Ehh. But the collar, etc., were promising enough that I want to get something similar, if not in silk, then linen.